A New Day
My first birth, a cesarean section, left me feeling depressed. I was not able to bond with my baby. Over the next 10 weeks, I suffered severe depression. Along with rampant emotions, I was having a hard time getting my baby to nurse and accept my milk (we found out later there was an allergy problem). None of the OB/GYNs would listen to my desires, and my birth was exactly the opposite of what I hoped for.
Luckily, for my son, and for me, we were both able to break free from the chains that the medico-complex had placed on us. The strength and courage I gathered helped me get through the hard times. I was able to bear the weight of bringing my child into the world in such a violent way by holding my child. Even though I didn’t nurse, I held him close to my breast while he ate. He was carried with me at all times, and we never slept apart. We were both on the road to recovery.
On December 13th, I found out I was preggers. Instead of feeling happy, I became scared. What if I had to go through another c-section. Would I be able to carry this child full-term? What are the chances that I will not miscarry because of scar tissue, etc.
I started researching alternatives to hospital birth, and found that a lot of women (at least those I found online) are making the choice to birth at home. The best part, however, is that some of these women were going totally unassisted. Just a momma giving birth. I was hooked!
On September 9th, I went into labor. I can’t describe, in words, what it felt like. If you can imagine pure bliss, this is what my labor felt like. It was like I was Momma Earth with my body writhing and wriggling, sometimes erupting, to create new life. There were times where I felt uncomfortable, but I never thought of rushing to the hospital, or consulting a midwife. I knew that my body could “handle the load,” and that I would be just fine. I even sent my husband and son out for dinner. I felt that confident.
I had read that some women had great experiences giving birth in water, so I ran a cool bath. Every time I would try to step in the water, I would feel my body dance with labor, so I just let the bathwater sit there.
It had been a while since I had eaten, so I fixed myself a raw banana shake. It was sooo good, and felt nice and cool in my belly. I became so relaxed that I felt it was time to “nest” and find my place to birth.
As I was walking to the family bedroom, I felt stronger and stronger desires to push. So, with each step, I let my body push. By the time I got to the bed, I could feel the head coming down. When I reached the bed, I could feel the top of the baby’s head with my hands. How cool is that!!!!!!!!
I talked to my body, and asked it to relax and open up so that the baby’s head could come out easily. It was like I was a flower opening up to see the sun. I felt connected with the Universe and the Great Mother Goddess. I was one with all living beings and my heart was full of love and light. Then the baby arrived, just like that. I was amazed. After her head emerged, the rest of her just glided out. I really don’t feel like I did that much work. She knew what she was doing better than I did.
I was feeling kind of gooey and wanted to wash off. I thought of my bathwater and laughed out loud. Maybe I knew that I would be too tired to run a full bath after birth, and ran one previous to delivery. I added some warm water to make it comfortable for me and the new wee one. We sat there in bliss as I delivered the placenta.
When the boys got home, I presented them with Amanda Rae. We hugged and snuggled in our family bed, ate some “birth” day cake and went to bed.
Our baby was born at home on September 9th. She weighed 7lbs 5 oz and was 19 ½ inches long. I will never forget that day. It was the day that the chain of birth violence was ended for our family.